Haunting the inbox: querying etiquette

Two weeks ago, we went through some of the basics in terms of approaching literary agents. In theory, those basics should be enough to guide you through pretty much any submissions process anywhere. Unfortunately, things do often go wrong and it can be difficult for writers to know how to address those things.

The problems arise mostly because agents are busy people and you, as an unrepresented writer, are not yet someone they have a contractual relationship with. So while general respect for the community of writers should be important at all times, the realistic truth is that the community is apt to get neglected as soon as the agent is bombarded with more immediate pressures.

To put the same thing rather more bluntly, agents can often simply act rudely or unprofessionally towards unrepresented writers and there is extremely little you can do about it.

I just haven’t heard back from my initial request. I’ve already nudged once. What next?

What comes next is that you move on. That agent either doesn’t want your work or they’ve made it clear they are not going to get back to you. Either way that is not an agent you want.

An agent asked for a full manuscript. I sent it in X weeks ago and I’ve still heard nothing. What next?

Here, you can be a little more demanding. I would suggest leaving it three weeks, then nudging. If you still don’t hear back after a further 3 weeks, you should probably conclude that agent has lost interest. I think it is fine to nudge again at this point, but you should by now be resetting your Inner Hope-o-meter from “Yay, publication here I come” to “Uh, this doesn’t feel right.”

And, in any event, two nudges is the most. You don’t want to have to chivvy your representative. They should be chasing you.

An agent offered representation, and has just gone silent. What do I do?

There is very little you can do. There are professional associations of literary agents, but those things are created to protect literary agents. They are not there to protect you.

If you got an offer of representation, but not a contract, then chase up on the contract. If things go weirdly slow – or just weirdly – you need to treat that the way you would a creepy date that you arranged online. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Just get out. Don’t mourn the death of something. It was never really there.

If you got an offer and signed a contract and maybe had a bit of an editorial interchange, and then things go weird? Well, the same basic rule applies: if it feels wrong, it is wrong. Yes, be patient and professional. Yes, call and email. But sometimes agents take a writer on in a flurry of yes-ish-ness, then realise over time that they made a bad call – they’ve reconsidered and now think that this manuscript is not going to fly.

What they should do is to tell you that, politely and clearly and without blame. That’ll be tough to hear, but sometimes tough things are necessary.

Alas and alack, mercy me and mercy you, the chance of an agent telling you that thing politely, clearly and without blame is smaller than the fraction defined by:

Mass of gnat

Mass of sun

What is much more likely to happen is that the agent just Goes Weird. Your emails will go unanswered. Your calls will not be responded to. Then, after a bit, the agent flares up at you for some supposed unprofessionalism on your part and huffs off in a storm of petticoats and ‘Well, if that’s the kind of author you are’ type remonstrations.

At this point, you need to:

• Pour yourself, and drink, a glass of wine / beer / elderberry tea
• Remind yourself that it’s not you, it’s very definitely them
• And drag yourself wearily back to Square 1.

I’m on holiday this week, so there’s no FF challenge from me specifically. However, if you have other questions about agent etiquette, I’d love to hear them. Head over to Townhouse and add your question to the thread, which will inform a future email.

When you are ready, add your question to this thread.