Webinar on elevator pitches – let’s chat
Hi folks, If you’re a JW member and were on the elevator pitch webinar tonight, then feel free to ask any questions here. Or just chat. What was your favourite pitch? There were some good uns!
I’ll dip in and out of this chat over the next day or two so keep an eye on it. NB – I’ll post the replay link as soon as I have it
Hi Harry,
Many thanks for the webinar – full of good ideas and advice, as always. I didn’t have time to reshape my pitch on the night but I’m guessing the original was not informative enough. Here it is:
Abandoned by the Romans. Threatened with invasion. Britain faces catastrophe. Only one man, damned by history, can save the kingdom.
You have seen this book, so you’ll know that I’m pitching a historical novel set in the 5th century, but it’s probably unfair to expect too much general familiarity with a period which isn’t called the Dark Age for nothing. So – do you think the following would be better, or am I going too much the other way?
When Britain stood alone, abandoned by the Roman Empire and threatened with invasion, only Vortigern came to its defence. His own son opposed him. History has damned him. Hero or murderous villain? Look beneath the surface of the legend for the man who shaped the age of King Arthur.
I know you’re up to your eyes in it, but if you do have time to comment, that would be brilliant!
Best wishes,
Susan
Life is a pitch!
May I share another pitch? No one objects? Okay then . . . The Lazarus Seed
A shy Swedish academic and an ambitious US billionaire compete over a cure for ageing, unleashing a pandemic that threatens the human genome pool. Only their collaboration can save humanity.
The ingredients of this story sound interesting! The only thing for me on reading it is that I don’t quite understand how lovers need to triumph. Unless they are all fighting for the love of the same person, or they are all in love with each other and it’s a sort of four-way love triangle (love square??) or are they in a contest outside of their romantic pursuits? I think clarifying that would help me know what the story was really about- but the characters doing it (whatever it is) sound fab!
Maybe change staid for shy and ruthless for ambitious. But I wanted to get the sense of an opposition in, even though shy and ambitious are not exact opposites. I will think more!
Thanks Catherine
Awkward phrasing at the beginning. Try turning the sentence around, such as:
An artist, a playwright, an heiress and a psychopath are pushed to their limits when their interwoven love lives cast them as rivals.
Actually yes. His obsession with myths drives him to challenge his own staid demeanor when one particular myth turns out to be actual. This is the main character’s progression, but can;t go in the pitch. It is the antagonist who wants to use the discovery to combat ageing.
My pleasure
Hi Emily
Thank you so much for your comment- it’s really useful! This is the premise for the book- do you think the EP matches this:
It’s based on a true story where everyone is fighting for the love of the heiress. Well, the psychopath wants to marry her to have control of her lands which are in a strategic place to his mining empire, not so much for love! But he needs to convince her that he does love her so that she will agree to marriage.
She was meant to marry another person but he died in an accident (or was it?!) and is given a bit of time to grieve before having to secure her estates future through marriage.
However while she has some time- she find true love with a playwright, who loves her back but is tortured that their relationship isn’t ‘valid’. In those days (1930’s) – a popular opinion was that lesbians were ‘unnatural’ so in the end always ended up in a lunatic asylum or committing suicide (like in The Green Hat- published 1934).
The painter is based on Rex Whistler who falls in love with the ‘idea’ of the heiress but doesn’t truly know her. He is the only one who notices that the psychopath is dangerous and he tries to protect her (and make her fall in love with him) but he wasn’t born into the Upper Classes so his opinion is dismissed. He is just an all round good guy who sadly ends up being killed in the war.
EP (thanks Pandavi! I find these really difficult!)
An artist, a playwright, an heiress and a psychopath are pushed to their limits when their interwoven love lives cast them as rivals.
Hi Catherine, Ooh, I was just going to say I love the revised EP, and then I read Emily’s. 1932, an artist…
If it were my book, I would go with:
1930’s England – an artist, a playwright, an heiress, and a psychopath are pushed to their limits when their interwoven love lives cast them as rivals.
It’s an intriguing mix of characters and a book that appeals to me!
Good Luck!
Hi Dawn
Thank you for your feedback- it is so useful! I was on a momentum until the webinar on EP’s then I totally got lost with it and felt that I needed to clarify the EP before continuing.
Funnily enough- I’ve read that you like Daphne Du Maurier. Well, her father (& she) was friendly with the people who’s lives this story is influenced by. They are all so fascinating. I kinda feel intimidated by them even though we’re nearly a century down the line!
Thank you again for replying- it has been invaluable to pick me back up and on with it!
Hi Dawn!
I put in a response and it’s disappeared so I’m sorry if you get two replies (doh!).
Thanks so much for your feedback- it is really useful. I’m so glad that it appeals to you. From the webinar EP I lost a lot of confidence in it- the ones that were successful were the ones which had a more different concept.
I’ve read that you enjoy reading Daphne Du Maurier- her father was part of the set of friends that I’m writing about. I find them all a bit intimidating even though their heyday was a century ago! Charisma through the decades!!!
Thanks again Dawn! All the best x
Hi Catherine, I read my novel and feel that it is strong enough to stand a chance of being accepted. Then I read some of the work on here, although in a different genre to mine and feel that mine has so much more work to be done on it. Then I read a book by an author that has had say, five books published and think: ‘Wow, how do they even get their work published?’ I guess the genre is everything. But I don’t just want to write; I want to write well. I fell in love with Poldark in the 1970s, and that got me writing. Then I read the novels a few years ago and thought, yes, I must start writing again. I so want to share my characters and give people to chance to escape from reality for a while.
Don’t give up, just keep plugging away!
Best wishes
Dawn xx
Thanks Dawn- that is really well said. I was just saying to my mum that I’ve realised that it’s a craft, exactly like anything worthwhile, and takes time to learn it how do it well- like you said.
Have you submitted your novel to any agent yet? I would love to hear how you get on- I’m keeping everything crossed for you.
I did a course on here called ‘Getting Published’- it was absolutely excellent because it tells you really crucial steps to getting published which I would have never of known about. Although it did knock my third draft down to zero and now I’m in the process of building it back up again. I would really recommend it as when I am in the position to submit my novel (a while yet by the looks of things!) then I know how to do it because of that course. Just thought I’d mention it in case you hadn’t heard of it and it was useful, if not just ignore me!
All the best xx
Glad it was helpful! Sometimes it’s just having an outsider’s perspective isn’t it? I think someone somewhere could make a huge amount of money just helping people with their EP’s 😉
That EP is sounding really good. Just wondering…
An artist, a playwright and a psychopath’s interwoven love-lives cast them as rivals for an heiress who must marry to inherit.
I was sort of trying to maximise that inner conflict the MC has- the time pressure she might be under and the fact she might actually not want so many suitors- or she may worry about the motives of them. (Also, I think the ‘pushing limits’ is implicit- there would clearly be tension in such a situation so in my opinion, you don’t need to explain it) 🙂
I think, if it is a historical piece, maybe sticking the year at the beginning would be good- gives some sort of context about the type of characters you will be reading about (after all the presentation of each would be different in the 1930s than today- and the wider societial pressures would be different too).
i.e. 1932, an artist….
Just throwing some thoughts your way 🙂 Sounds really great -I would absolutely read this!
Wow Emily thank you for saying that. I was just saying to Dawn that I was totally on with writing but then the EP webinar threw me totally sideways and felt like I couldn’t go on without clarifying the EP.
I feel like I’ve got it now thank to you guys. I feel so grateful that you guys have replied and totally helped me out. It’s so kind.
Hi Emily
Hehe- an EP service, I would go for! Think that you’re on to something there.
Thanks so much for the feedback, I was just saying to Dawn above that from the EP webinar I lost a load of confidence in the story (although I’m still totally obsessed with it, the strange conflict being a writer!??!) so that is really motivating to hear that you would read it. Yey!
I will pick it back up and keep going- armed with my new EP that will permeate throughout each page. I am so grateful to you for taking the time to feedback and helping me along the way. Thank you!