Webinar on elevator pitches – let’s chat
Hi folks, If you’re a JW member and were on the elevator pitch webinar tonight, then feel free to ask any questions here. Or just chat. What was your favourite pitch? There were some good uns!
I’ll dip in and out of this chat over the next day or two so keep an eye on it. NB – I’ll post the replay link as soon as I have it
OhMyGOSH!! This has been such a challenging and illuminating exercise. I must have written about 30 different (mostly terrible) elevator pitches since the session, and about the same number before, over the long painful years of trying to get this novel into a publish-able state.
BUT…. BUT… (!!!!!) I think I’ve FINALLY cracked it (after much walking, wailing, gnashing of teeth and mainlining of coffee). And ALSO I think it’s going to completely revolutionise Draft 15hundred&thirtyseven. It’s going to have to be a rewrite.
OUCH.
But it’s now going to be a rewrite with focus and purpose.
harrybingham THANK YOU so much! I never really “got” elevator pitches before the session, even though I recognised a good one when I saw it. You have completely nailed it for me. So here’s the pitch:
Hannah (13) and Josh (3) are left to fend for themselves on a tough London estate.
They think their brilliant mum’s in Hollywood but tragically she’s been Sectioned.
Mum’s ‘dreams’ threaten to tear the family apart, while Hannah fights to hold all their dreams together.
ALL feedback (be brutal I can take it) gratefully received.
PLUS you really liked the pitch for my next book, Mr Bingham – The Munchausen by Proxy one – so I think it’s got legs and I’m cracking on with the first draft, in between bouts of tearing my hair out and project managing a 12 year old with online school refusal and an Alan Sugar complex.
Innit tho.
Blessings on everyone’s head.
J
Hi Jo,
Haha- I think lots of people are finding the online school refusal and Alan Sugar in their offspring. That made me lol. It was a very good description!
From EP of your child on to your EP of your book (which is another baby!!)
I think that your EP doesn’t ‘sound’ quite right. I really like the idea of the book- I would read it. But I think that it needs less description and needs to be more succinct? I would try to suggest another but I am pretty bad at making these up but am beginning to recognise good ones.
I’ve read another book that isn’t the same as yours but is about an older sister and brother who fend for themselves in a London estate. It’s called ‘Half a World Away’ by Mike Gayle. Just saying in case whoever is his agent might be interested in your book too?
Fantastic Catherine – thank you so much for the feedback, I’ve not come across the book so I’ll have a look for it now.
Now the coffee has worn off, there is a clunkiness to my EP that I still have to address and it’s not as brilliant as I thought it was last night. But it is progress and I think I’m getting closer to the truth! thanks very much
Pandavi is really good at distilling the essence of a book I think.
Thank you Catherine . . . and now I have to try to live up to that complement (Well, I don’t ‘have to’ but my vanity will be vexed if I don’t)
Maybe something like . . .
Beguiled by the delusions of their psychotic mother and left to fend for themselves, two young children struggle to realise their own dreams.
I know detail has been lost but we have to ask, what does the agent really need to know? I think, beyond physical survival it is a drama between two forms of fantasy, one childlike and the other mad, one innocent and hopeful while the other deceptive and ultimately cruel. If you can get that central drama into a sentence you have it. Details such as names and ages are secondary. They go in the synopsis.
Haha sorry about the pressure Pandavi 🙂 I think that is an excellent EP. Maybe this could be a niche for you?!
No pressure Catherine. I am never under pressure (except when I am) but it was a good exercise for me.
Moved house two days ago, from Eastbourne back to London, and am busy cutting an inpenetrable forest of brambes from a garden ledt untouched for some years. Hands knackered and can hardly write. I’ll do a Bingham now . . .
‘Fed up with writing? Want to retire and cut brambles? Contact for details.’
Hey, how about a swap . . . folks, you cut my killer brambles and I’ll write your killer pitch.
Thank you for this. I think it’s getting closer! Hope the brambles are forgiving on your hands. The only tip I can offer in return is two pairs of gloves… Good luck with settling in your new place.
Hi- you guys have already been so so generous with your time and thoughts on here. I am really grateful. I’m sorry to be tenacious (blessing and a curse etc) but what do you think of this EP?
Be brutal- I would rather hear it from you guys then an agent!
1930’s England- an artist, a playwright and a psychopath are pushed to their limits when their interwoven lives cast them as rivals for the love of an heiress.
It’s definitely been a team effort- which I am eternally grateful for. It’s just that I’ve just moved the heiress bit at the end to make it more specific (thank you again for the advice on that emilymartins )
This does leave me wanting to know more. I’m especially intrigued by the psychopath’s involvement. The only part where I might want something a bit more specific would perhaps be ‘pushed to their limits’ but that doesn’t take away anything from the general idea. It just may add a bit more sizzle?
Thanks Sally- that is really helpful!! The psycho is worryingly my favourite bit too 🙂
And perfect length! I have not been able to manage that with mine yet.
Hehe thank you- its about the billionth try and I’ve only just settled on one with massive help from you guys.
Catherine, remember, the EP is primarily for you, not the agent. They get the cover letter and synopsis. This is about the strengthening of the core.
Hi Catherine, just wondering if I might do something like:
1930’s England- an artist, a playwright and a psychopath find themselves rivals for the love of an heiress.
I think Sally is right, the ‘pushed to the limits’ bit is the vaguest (something I struggled with SO much in my own EP) and actually, I really think it’s implicit given they are all fighting for the love of a woman. From an outsider’s perspective, I would expect the story to involve them pushing themselves and the inner/outer turmoil that would ensue. Similarly for their interwoven lives- I’m guessing they are more interwoven than simply the connection to the heiress, but again, that is something I would somewhat expect from the story and so I’m not sure it needs to be added- that suggestion above is 18 words – and personally I don’t think it’s lost the key elements.
And one more thought which may have you rolling your eyes at me 😉 I wonder if you could mention something about your MC own feelings? I think the EP would sing if you had the juxtaposition between these interesting characters fighting each-other for the same goal and the MC’s own contrasting goal. At the moment, she comes across a little passive (which I’m positive she is not!!). I think it would also make me (and hopefully agents) instantly care about the turmoil and root for her even more. I don’t know your plot well enough to suggest anything- and perhaps that’s off the mark, but I would feel a real tug to the story if I could see her conflict within that situation…
I’m so pleased you are feeling more positive about your story again!! And yes, I think we all experience the angst of a hot-and-cold love affair with our own ideas 😉
They are extremely valuable points thank you.
What a brilliant idea about how she feels! Thank you- yes she is extremely active (and mostly a bit naughty) but she finds true love with the playwright, who is a woman. She realises that love is important after being brought up being told it’s not (hence going for the psycho).
1930’s England- an artist, a playwright and a psychopath find themselves rivals to wed an heiress but will she fight for her own love?
I think that sums it up really. Thank you a million- it’s really so kind of you!
Hi Everyone, my EP would appreciate your comments:
In her White Sphere, the forgotten place where life begins, Pupi longs to meet her parents in the flesh. But an omen reveals she may not even make it to her mother’s womb.
Thank you
Gianluca