Gogs and building it bad….
Harry Bingham encourages us to be loose here and there with the correctness of things- an invented word or puzzling confluence of ideas. In my current piece, a son is talking with his mother about his father, a railwayman, shortly after he died. I wrote this, in the way that you do. Then realised it might sound quite stupid and inappropriate to others – but it was right in terms of feeling. I would normally take it out in an edit but wondered if it works for anyone else.
‘I missed Dad in my own way, especially the smell of him. I had taken away his clothes but kept a blue railway waistcoat for myself for its many delicious pockets, and to hold it close was to inhale a memory of him.’
Clearly the pockets weren’t delicious to taste. But a proper railway waistcoat has a great many pockets, and pockets within pockets, so it was, for this writer, a delicious thing to savour and enjoy.
I think it’s a fab use of the word. Know exactly what you mean and it gives the thoughts a uniqueness. Keep it in.
Thanks Kate. I hope you’re right!
I like it too.
If anything, I’d take out “in my own way” because how can he miss him any other way? And “for myself” because I think it’s implied. Just a thought.
Sure, you’re right. They are the kind of things I’d take out in an edit. 😎
. . and ‘in my own way, follows a piece about his mother’s ‘way’ that was different.. .but you’re right.
Seems fine to me too in this context!
Phew – I sail into the weekend with a smidgen of encouragement to trust myself a little more. Thanks folks.
Sail away with a smile, loved the inhaling of a memory! Enjoy the weekend
You just made me think of the Styx song Come Sail Away. LOL.
:)) I totally forgot they existed!
Haha, they do, and they are still releasing albums. 😲
Likewise, I think delicious is the right word.
The only thing I might be tempted to tweak – and this may just be me, it might nor work for your character’s voice – is to switch two words, to make it “deliciously many pockets” as, I suspect, it’s the proliferation of pockets that’s delicious rather than the pockets themselves.
I don’t know, I liked that it’s the pockets, themselves, that are delicious — mysterious, deep, dark and hidden, cradling feasts of treasures, mysteries and mementos. Or murder weapons. Yeah, I like that.
Me too Cathy. It’s not autobiographical, but my own dad did wear his railway waistcoat and tempt me with the pockets ” this one tickets from the up-train, this one tickets from the down train, this for the whistle, and this for the carriage key. This for the timetable, though I know them all, and this one, this, is for you” – and take out a lemon sherbert.
love it
Oh, wow, what scrumptious memories. You have a real treasure trove there! 😊
I’ve read your piece quickly the other day and meant to go back to it to give feedback but forgot. I can’t remember this list of all the pockets’ contents, but I think you should put it there; It adds to the deliciousness at the end.
Loved it. Will read again and give feedback.
I think it’s a beautifully evocative passage and agree delicious is the perfect word for it. Things that may not “make sense” in the rules of English make perfect sense in the muddle of our feelings. I think that characters that speak “proper” English are far less believable. Just my thoughts.