#24929
Bella
arabellamurray
Participant

I agree with the points Giselle has made.

I like your voice and chatty style of writing. I particularly like these two sentences “Then it all turned around and bit me on the bum. Hard, sank its teeth right in.”

I’m not really clear on what the book is about, though. Is it about recovery from a mental breakdown? Is about getting out from under Dad’s thumb? Something else? Do we hear more about Neville? Gino?

There’s a lot here to work with. Although it is a memoir, if you want to hook readers you do need to treat it more as a novel and ensure your narrative drive pushes the story forward. On reading what you have written I am curious to read more, but to be honest that is because you are a fellow forum member and I think you have some strong ideas to work with. If I picked this up in a bookshop I would not be hooked enough to buy it. You can certainly change that, though.