#24618
Bella
arabellamurray
Participant

I agree with Kate and if you yourself have been wondering if this chapter is necessary then I would suggest it probably isn’t. That said, it certainly has the makings of an interesting read and I’m sure you’re right to consider weaving elements of it into the rest of the book. Your final paragraph (pruned a little) might make a good opening, though. I like the idea of beginning with “death did us part”.

Your writing style is easy to read but you labour the details in places. If 33 years is 2/3 of your life you can leave us to work out your age. We don’t really need a potted history of what happened in 1984 unless any of those points are directly relevant to your story.

I like your gold watches story, and the bitterness at not even having the carriage clock to mark 33 years of service is poignant.

A good start.