#23758
Robert
thelma.sulzbach
Participant

Thanks, Arabella.
I have been watching the word anachronisms. It always annoys me when I see them in books and especially on the TV. As you may have guessed, I am new to this writing lark, but I find myself becoming more understanding of such errors. I was aware of the ‘Santas’ one already, but had decided to keep it in because of the rhythm and rhyme of the words ‘Happy fat Santas’. I had not noticed ‘kids’ or ‘stuff’, so thanks for that. The balance between historical accuracy and not alienating your child reader is proving difficult.
As to the repetition, I assume you are referring to ‘middle of his living room’. This was intentional, an attempt, probably rubbish, to be poetic. However, reading it again in the light of day, I agree it does not work. So I changed it to:
‘He stood in the centre of his living room, a plaster ghost amidst his shattered home.’
Thanks for your thoughts.
Bob