#23745
Bella
arabellamurray
Participant

I think this is a great start. Well done. I agree with the others. I would add that you need to watch the tone/ vocabulary of time and place. Examples: the word ‘kids’ in the title. Not used in England then. Doing ‘stuff’ like that sounds wrong to me. Things like that? Santas- I think we would have said Father Christmases back then.

I like you new ending better. Watch repetition- an easy trap when editing.