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  • Title and blurb for query letter

    Posted by Emily White on 18 October 2023 at 13:12

    I’m writing query letters and finding the blurb/synopsis part really, really hard. I think it’s very difficult to make it make sense without a few sentences of world building (in the pages its much easier to space the world building out). I am also having trouble with a title. This is my blurb so far. Would love some feedback, whether encouragement (I could use some :/) or critiques ­čÖé

    The people of the Five Kingdoms in the breathtaking land of Alyth are haunted by the memory of necromancers who turned half the world into a desert. To maintain an uneasy peace, all magic remains forbidden. When a group of soldiers are mysteriously dispatched using never-before-seen powers, no one knows how they did their dark magic, but they are certain of this – necromancy has returned.

    With the town paranoid and on the hunt for any sign of magic, Josh, a gentle stable hand must keep his forbidden healing powers secret or face execution. However, a compassionate act of kindness towards a dying rat draws the attention of the Crown Prince himself. Rather than arresting Josh, he imagines the stable hand to have mighty powers and the self-absorbed Prince demands that he help him escape the shackles of palace life or be exposed. As Josh struggles to manage the delusional Prince’s fantasies of becoming a pirate, he yearns to keep his powers secret. However, the Prince’s relentless blackmail forces him into the underbelly of the city, bringing him perilously close to the rising threat of necromancers. Little does Josh know that his healing powers hold the key to thwarting their return. He must decide if he will keep his secret safe, or use it to protect not the Five Kingdoms, but the entire land of Alyth from their dark magic.

    Possible titles: Yavernian blood, Yavernian gold, blood and gold, shadow at Yavern, Even gold can die, desert of golden blood, Gold is free blood costs everything

    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by
       Emily White.
    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by
       Emily White.
    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by
       Emily White.
    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by
       Emily White.
    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by
       Emily White.
    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by
       Emily White.
    Emily White replied 4 months ago 1 Member · 0 Replies
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