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THE OBJECT OF SIGNIFICANCE – fingerprint!
CONTEXT: Gerda’s brainwave – asking detective Ben to get uncle Laurence’s fake suicide note tested for fingerprints – is about to backfire. Since making the request, Gerda’s deduced her godmother is somehow complicit in the 1973 mystery and is certain that (godmother) Elle’s prints will be found.
During this interim period, Gerda’s learned a few shocking truths/family secrets and had her Dark Night of the Soul during a thunderstorm on the cliffs above St Peter’s Pool (the location of both uncle Laurence’s 1973 suicide and Elle’s recent discovery of a possible muti killing (i.e. missing body parts/internal organs). Gerda’s come down with flu and has been recovering on the couch when Ben arrives to deliver the lab result.
This is from the opening scene of the final Act (in STC-speak, the Break Into 3).
Trigger warning – four-letter words (c’mon guys, this is Gerda we’re talking about here).
‘But the trail’s gone live,’ Ben continues. ‘That’s why I wanted to speak to you both. As it’s all computerised now, the system automatically checks against every print on file. Back in time and forwards. I was surprised – it matched to prints taken very recently. This month.’
What? This was unexpected. I set my mug down so I wouldn’t spill.
Ben leaned forward. ‘The situation has become more involved. The new fingerprints, the ones inputted this month, relate to a current investigation.’
‘I don’t under-’ I mumbled, caught completely off guard. A current case? What hairy-assed complication was this now? This was a curve-ball of note. What the fuck had Elle done? What the fuck had I now done?
I could feel my temples glistening. Bloody hell! I had been told to leave well enough alone. And what had I done? I’d kicked the proverbial hornet’s nest.
‘What current case?’ my godmother asked.
‘The Arnaud Beetge suicide. Or so-called suicide.’
‘Who the…’ I started, before realizing. ‘Oh, yeah, the muti guy.’ What the frickin’ hell.
Ben addressed my godmother. ‘You see Lady du Maurier, Elle, after you reported the find, your fingerprints were taken for elimination purposes. You probably did the standard checks, grabbed his wrist to feel for a pulse, pressed your fingers against the carotid artery to make sure. Those all leave prints on the body. Yours corroborated your report. That’s the only reason we had you on file,’ he tailed off.
The silence, pendulous and humid, was fractured by the sound of Elle’s teacup and saucer clattering as she set them down.
Ben spoke softly to Elle. ‘I imagine the police may want to question you.’
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This discussion was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by
Marcus Brewster. Reason: explaining the reference to muti as it pertains to the body that Elle discovered beneath the cliffs
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This discussion was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by
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72 Replies
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Hi Marcus
This is a good tense scene, and feels essential to move the plot forward. The chatter is lively and to the point of what will be expected of Gerda. One tiny niggle for me is your context says Gerda was convinced Elle’s fingerprints will be found–but when found her reactions seem to reflect surprise? . Also it is unclear if she is collaborating with Ben to set Elle up to confess, or she is learning alongside. I would think the latter given the hornest’s nest reference but feel Ben would have let her on before, if they have been working together on this? But I am sure there is a reason for this and I am lacking the context.
P.S. I am saying this as I had a similar dilemma when I wrote the final chapters for The Ghost Detective as that is also written in Xander’s view and I did not want him to know who the killer was before it is revealed to the readers. I used the time crunch as the reason as Aidan works out only 15 minutes before the plug is pulled and Xander wants to witness the killer being confronted(and arrested).
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Hi Chithrupa – thanks for such a lively engagement with my scene-let. It was perhaps a poor choice of excerpt coming so late in the novel because there’s an enormous amount of plot you have not been privy to so much of the subtext may not have landed.
Gerda is expecting Ben to reveal that Elle’s fingerprints were lifted off the fake 1973 suicide note. What catches her unawares, however, is that her godmother’s fingerprints were on the present day corpse – which now complicates matters hugely as Elle is now a suspect in not one but two equivocal deaths (50 years apart).
Poor Elle is of course caught completely off guard. All through the rest of this final act, everyone is following their own agenda (all with different objectives of hiding/revealing the truth, and different misunderstandings of each other’s goals/motivation) so it’s becoming an epic clusterfcuk of complications.
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Ah that makes sense, She would be surprised about the new case! I am sure with context from before it will make perfect sense for the readers. Not easy when it is just snippets. But I see you have added a bit of self reflection to cover that! Nice one👍
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Hi Marcus, I really liked this scene. Great dialogue and a tense tone.
I loved some of the inner monologue here, particularly the ‘hairy assed complication’ – you have the voice down perfectly.
Also, that penultimate line is great.
I did wonder though, can you really get fingerprints off a persons skin?
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Thanks Kris. Surprised about the fingerprint-on-skin? You and me both. Plus Gerda and Elle. But apparently true. My criminology lecturer (a forensics expert) mentioned it to me and then, doubting Thomas that I was, I subsequently confirmed it with a nurse.
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Like the way you get character across so well through the dialogue. Love the character.
Windered if you needed ‘This was unexpected.’ because you’ve already flagged that up and could maybe show it by the way she puts down her cup or something
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Thanks Katherine – appreciate you stopping by to comment.
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Oohh Marcus! The plot thickens and I’m so glad to read it. The tension is so good here and the reader is drawn into the suspense! Love it!
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Thanks Leona. From here, the twists keep coming and the suspense keeps ratcheting…😉
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Great twists and turns. As you mentioned in another comment by this point in the book, the reader is aware of lots. I was a tiny bit confused but this would all have been explained.
I think as you’ve got Gerda openly swearing then she might say something more than ‘frickin’ but obviously you know the character the best!
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Hi Sophie – I can quite understand it’s a tad confusing. Poor choice of extract – mea culpa. I’m currently editing in this final act but couldn’t pick anything hereafter for fear of divulging plot secrets. Gotta keep you guys guessing and on your toes!
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And now Elle becomes a suspect. It looks like Gerda wanted to eliminate or confirm her godmother’s involvement, and now that it’s confirmed she regrets knowing. Although we don’t know yet how Elle was involved exactly. Dum dum duuuuum!
Gerda is not going to take it well, is she?
I love the details, they make up the atmosphere well. That cup clattering!
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Hi Natalia – I’ve noticed from previous weeks’ feedback that you have very good instincts for what’s coming, and you’ve proved it again this week.
Gerda’s push for an answer to the mystery of uncle Laurence’s demise (suicide? murder?) sets unanticipated wheels in motion and triggers complications she has no way of predicting or controlling.
But yes, there’s now forensic evidence that Elle must have been involved somehow in what happened on Laurence’s final night… Dum dum duuuuum! 😉
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Haha, thanks Marcus. What I deduct is all based on the information you’ve given us about the events and the characters, so you must be doing something right! 😄
Ah, the joys of anticipation!
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Hi Natalia – i think the reason the book is so long is because I tried to list every permutation of what happened to uncle Laurence (what a reader might be expected to think according to my bread crumb trail), and then make Gerda and her compatriots consider them all.
I would be pleasantly surprised if a reader was able to offer an alternative solution but that said, there’s a fascinating documentary about a French academic who argued that the solution to The Murder of Roger Ackroyd wasn’t the person Poirot named. With textual justification, this guy was able to propose it was actually Dr Shepherd’s sister/ housekeeper whodunnit – which just goes to show that even Agatha Christie got it wrong in her own novel!
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Um… I have too met a few self-centered lampposts who managed to have a PhD approved. It happens.
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And who funded it? The mind boggles…
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Not every country funds PhD students.
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Marcus, as always your writing is good. I made a decision last week to give my feedback before reading anyone else’s, that way I’m not influenced by what others have to say and I apologise if I repeat anything. As a writer of thrillers, I was delighted to see some suspense creep into Gerda’s story, which I hadn’t seen in any of the other excerpts you’d posted. However, I’ve no doubt there’s lots of tension throughout.
There were a few minor things that jumped out at me, which I thought worth mentioning. I would lose the “but” in the sentence and just start with The… rather than: ‘But the trail’s gone live,’ Ben continues.
In this sentence: Back in time and forwards. Even a computer can’t test fingerprints that have not yet happened. So it would probably read better as “Back in time and current.”
Again, this is minor but I’d replace “inputted this month’, with uploaded this month, because you can’t “input fingerprints” but one can upload the images.
In this sentence: ‘The Arnaud Beetge suicide. Or so-called suicide.’ – I’d leave out “Or so-called suicide”. I doubt the detective would give it away at this stage that it may not have been suicide.
In this sentence: The silence, pendulous and humid – can silence be humid? A room yes. The weather yes but silence?
I loved: was fractured by the sound of Elle’s teacup and saucer clattering as she set them down.
Hope this helps. Now I will read the other comments. 😉
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Hi Ceresse – very pleased to have your feedback and sterling suggestions for improvements. Can’t wait to bring your insights to my next (last?) round of editing. Much appreciated, as always.
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Gerda was wise to set her mug down. Mine too was firmly on the desk, fortunately, because what a plot twist 🙂
I appreciated your explanation at the top of the post, and because of this I followed without problem the fact that Gerda was surprised to discover Elle’s fingerprints were on the new body, and also that the fingerprint system checks ‘back in time and forwards’ – meaning forwards from the date of Laurence’s death, yes?
The bits I was less certain about, personally, were:
‘I don’t under-’ I mumbled, caught completely off guard. A current case? What hairy-assed complication was this now? This was a curve-ball of note. What the fuck had Elle done? What the fuck had I now done?
…which felt a little too much, even if the mixed metaphor suits. And does she really need to cut herself off mid-word? It felt weird to me.
And the other bit: ‘I could feel my temples glistening.‘ Pedantic, but I don’t think anyone feels something glisten. Still, I know exactly what you mean and it’s a perfectly suitable reaction.
Anyway. I know, from last week, that Elle doesn’t end up in prison for a million years so what the frickin’ hell is going on??? 😲 😄
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Hi Heather – re: those glistening temples (and not the religious kind)…
Gerda has the tail end of the flu and Elle has been plying her with a stewed concoction of ginger root, lemon, honey and green tea which flushes the system, possibly also foundational for Gerda’s feverish forehead.
Tea-holics unite!
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Hi Marcus
As always, an interesting read. A moment of revelation that leaves me wanting to read more (especially as Act 3 is 20% of the novel, according to StC, so a lot more to go!)
Would you characterise your novel as cosy murder? I am getting a definite Agatha Christie vibe (which is good, in my book. Long may they remake Gerda for TV and film!) You capture Gerda’s surprise very well.
Just curious as to which side of the Atlantic Malta English comes from. I have been there, but I didn’t give it much thought at the time. It’s just that the word hairy-assed caught my eye, which is American.
Good luck with your agent / publisher hunting trip!
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Hi Julie – I’m fascinated that you’re getting Agatha Christie from this as the Queen of Crime was definitely 50% of the DNA inspiration when I started (5 years ago). The idea being what if a very contemporary dysfunctional heroine (a la Gone Girl/on a Train/Dragons Tattoo) stumbled into the mechanics of a golden age detective novel (My comps incidentally – Eleanor Oliphant meets Knives Out).
The intricacies of the 1973 mystery are me channeling the tropes – the body at the base of the cliffs, the six suspects in the seaside villa, everyone with means, motive and opportunity. But the whole thing is written for a modern sensibility with my winks, nods and reinventions of genre conventions.
Maltese is Semitic in origin but layers of linguistic influences from every nation who conquered and ruled the islands. Though not American! Gerda is South African but watches a lot of US reality TV so it’s possible she picked up hairy-assed from her binge-viewing.
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Hi Marcus, finally time to return the favor! I love the suspense here. Can tell things are starting to come to a head. A few thoughts.
Maybe we don’t need the “What” in the sentence below. The rest of the sentence conveys things well.
What? This was unexpected. I set my mug down so I wouldn’t spill.
Or maybe more show rather than tell. Something like, I nearly spat up my tea. I set the mug down before it spilt into my lap.
In the below, I would not necessarily imagine inner dialogue including “fuck” … and especially one after the other. I’m not one to talk, I have plenty of swearing in my book but it is virtually all in spoken dialogue. I would also maybe delete the “caught completely off guard” phrase as the reader can infer that from the context.
‘I don’t under-’ I mumbled, caught completely off guard. A current case? What hairy-assed complication was this now? This was a curve-ball of note. What the fuck had Elle done? What the fuck had I now done?
I do like the use of “frickin'” though.
Keep up the great stuff!!
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Thanks Jim. Appreciate you stopping by, and for the editing cues. I could definitely stand to lose a coupla thousand extraneous words.
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A big tip of my hat to you, Marcus. Great writing!
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A hat tip, a fat tip – it’s all good! Thanks James
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Hi Marcus
I’m gonna dive in with a few suggested edits just because you have mentioned trying to get your word count down in the past. You know the drill about ignoring if not right for you!
* I would delete ‘back in time and forwards’. I don’t think you really need it and on first reading the ‘and forwards’ sounded like ‘in the future’ (i.e. fingerprints that hadn’t yet been taken which makes no sense). I realise that wasn’t what you really meant but on balance, I think those words detracted rather than added.
* I think you can combine paras 4&5 and lose words to no ill effect.
* I would be inclined to remove ‘or so called suicide’. I think spelling it out like this reduces the impact you are going for.
🙂
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Hi cds – yes, all good points and well taken, especially the bit about the recent so-called suicide. He belongs to a sub-plot that I’m sacrificing due to length constraints so I need to unpick some of these references and this is another place where it’s sticking its head above the parapet.
thank you muchly
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Aha – I knew the godmother was involved ever since her reaction when Gerda brought up Laurence. I like making that connection – great writing!
Well, as others above I enjoyed this scene. I think this it is fun to read and propels us into the next act.
The only thing that bothered me is: “As it’s all computerised now” – I went back to read your blurb to establish the time period, thinking this may be set in the 80s or early 90s. I mean, the fingerprint on skin is an amazingly surprising detail (for me at least), but having fingerprints digitalised surely has been around for decades.
I don’t mean to go on about this – well written, nice scene, great twist – can we have the next extract please…?
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Yes you did Katrin – you were an early spotter of Elle’s complicity in the matter of uncle Laurence, touché.
We’re now going into a complex cascade of deductions computing all the variants of did she/didn’t she plant the fake suicide note.
Thanks for the alert re: backwards and forwards. It was a clumsy way of putting the idea that usually prints are matched to prints already in the system from the past. Here the twist being that Elle’s 1973 prints were forward matched to those she had inadvertently left last week. The reference tripped up a lot of the cohort this week so I will be changing it.
P.S. Lifting prints off skin is the least of it. My criminology lecturer took me to a presentation by a visiting firm of UK security consultants and it was mind-boggling to learn about all the new forensic technologies and what surfaces you can now lift prints off. 🤯
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Hey Marcus – Of course Gerda drops the f-bomb. I like her all the better for it. The scene is well drawn. I like the slow pace of it, the hesitation going on with Ben, edging towards the revelation that Elle’s fingerprints are on the 1970s suicide note. I like that you end the scene with just a simple “I think the police are gonna want to speak to you” and that Elle has cottoned on with the clatter of her teacup upon saucer. Subtle and well drawn. Like it.
P.S. I’ve learnt something – I did not know that fingerprints could be taken from other human skin. Fascinating. I’ll file that one away to bear in mind… 🙂
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Thank you Rachel. not quite the end of the scene, just a natural break point when I excised a chunk to post this week. But thank you for the affirmation – much appreciated, as always.
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IGNORE – REPLY MIS-POSTED OUT OF SEQUENCE (and not possible to now delete)
Hi Heather – re: those glistening temples (and not the religious kind)…
Gerda has the tail end of the flu and Elle has been plying her with a stewed concoction of ginger root, lemon, honey and green tea which flushes the system, possibly also foundational for Gerda’s feverish forehead.
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