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  • Feedback for Book Blurb please?

    Posted by Catherine Aitken on 22 July 2023 at 20:03

    Hello. I wonder if anyone might have time to look at the blurb for my novel. I thought I shouldn’t say what the genre is – hoping it would be obvious! This is my first novel and I’m close to indie publishing. Any feedback would be most appreciated. Thanks Catherine

    When Bella McCaa is released from a decade of caring for her cruel and demanding mother, she can’t wait to return to London and pick up the threads of a once high-flying career.

    But fate, and her relatives, intervene. Pushed out of the family home, penniless and in desperate need of a job, getting her life back in London is more difficult than Bella thought.

    And just when Bella thinks she’s seen it all, Jem, the ex-love-of-her-life, strides into town. His arrival stirs up a tempest of emotions and reveals long buried secrets, shattering Bella’s view of the world and making her question everything.

    Adding to the chaos, her body is determined to remind her she’s not just battling circumstance, but also going through a change that has her misfiring on all cylinders.

    Can Bella negotiate a whirlwind ride of unexpected curveballs, love and second chances to find a happy every after on her own terms?

    • This discussion was modified 4 months ago by  Catherine Aitken. Reason: It all comes up on google when I look for my book title which I've now taken out
    Catherine Aitken replied 7 months, 1 week ago 4 Members · 8 Replies
  • 8 Replies
  • Angela Cort

    Member
    23 July 2023 at 12:39

    Hi Catherine,

    As someone who is struggling to write blurbs, pitches and hooks, I sympathise. Therefore, I’m not sure my input is worthwhile, but here goes.

    I’m struggling with the first and last line. If her mother was SO terrible, why would this girl look after her, and could I relate. And, as a woman, I’m sick of the menopause being bashed around my head at the moment. By all means include it in the mix of problems, but I would highlight the others. Therefore, for me it was the middle sections I found more interesting.

    There you go. But as I say, I’m working on my instinctive read, not my skill of writing them.
    Good luck, Angela

  • Angela Cort

    Member
    23 July 2023 at 12:40

    By the way… I love your title.

  • Catherine Aitken

    Member
    23 July 2023 at 13:45

    Thanks so much Angela, this was exactly the kind of honest feedback I’m looking for. I take your very good point about if the mother is so bad and will have a look at that. Unfortunately, the story is about a woman going through the menopause, at the same time as her life is thrown upside down so I didn’t want to mislead anyone about that, maybe I should just put her age instead.

    By the last line – did you mean the menopause sentence or this line:

    Can Bella negotiate a whirlwind ride of unexpected curveballs, love and second chances to find a happy every after on her own terms?

    Anyway, your feedback has been very helpful. Thanks so much. for taking the time, it’s much appreciated.

    Catherine

  • Angela Cort

    Member
    23 July 2023 at 15:50

    Hi Catherine. It was the line about the menopause. I’m sorry, but I just feel that the subject has been done to death. Obviously, it can take a part, just like pregnancy, infertility etc. but for me, I would not want that as a story in and of itself.

    But don’t forget that is just my opinion.

    Good luck

  • Karen Vincent-jones

    Member
    23 July 2023 at 17:40

    Yes, like Angela I wondered about the looking after bad mummy backstory. What happened – did her mother die? Is that how she was released? And why are her relatives mean to her if she took on the burden of caring for bad mummy?

    Also I think we need a clue about the vague ‘long buried secrets’. How do these relate to the back story?

    It could be intriguing, but I think you need to provide a bit more information.

    But that’s just my opinion!

    • Catherine Aitken

      Member
      24 July 2023 at 19:30

      Hi Karen

      Thanks so much for getting back to me. I’m going to re-work the blurb after the feedback which has been very useful and much appreciated. It’s difficult to get it all into 150 words isn’t it! – t the same time as enticing someone to read the book. Thanks so much again. Catherine

  • Stuart Smith

    Member
    23 July 2023 at 19:04

    Hi Catherine, is it possible to have an ex-love-of-your-life? It’s an oxymoron, isn’t it? So he’s the love of her life, but it never worked out? That’s interesting, but that prefix ‘ex-‘ suggests finality – over, done, finished. But presumably, there’s still hope, else why is he here…? Just a thought, but if you wanted to concentrate on this aspect, it would make for an interesting pitch: ‘Is it possible to have an ex-love-of-your-life? Bella thought so, until…’

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by
       Stuart Smith.
    • Catherine Aitken

      Member
      24 July 2023 at 19:31

      Hi Stuart

      That’s a very good point, I hadn’t though it could read that way but you’re right and I’ll change that while I re work my blurb. Thanks so much for the feedback, it’s really much appreciated. Catherine