News Feed Forums The Writing Room & Critique Club 27.09 The Writing Room & Open Mic

  • Grace Fletcher-Hackwood

    Member
    27 September 2023 at 17:51

    I was late to the Open Mic due to urgent business* so just dropping in with some feedback from reading back over Emily & Dean’s extracts, in case they’re in here!

    Emily, I’ve been looking forward to reading some of this! The dialogue is engaging and as natural as it can be while conveying that period/Biblical feel – and just about the right side of cheesy, which is a fine line with loved-up newlyweds! The nicknames aren’t confusing, as such, but I’m not sure what they add – will that be important later? And I love her self description which conveys so much about the setting and time period as well as about her.

    Dean, I’m sure everyone said this in the Zoom but it’s beautifully visual. I love a bit of personification and you’ve mostly done this brilliantly but for flowerpots to be bored AND suspicious AND to look at someone might be asking a lot of someone. Nothing wrong with a bit of interstices ­čÖé

    *making a cocktail

    • Emily Mitchell

      Administrator
      27 September 2023 at 17:59

      As always, lovely feedback Grace and loving that “urgent” business!