{"id":90947,"date":"2023-08-11T12:09:56","date_gmt":"2023-08-11T11:09:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/?p=90947"},"modified":"2023-08-11T12:09:56","modified_gmt":"2023-08-11T11:09:56","slug":"leaking-steam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/leaking-steam\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaking steam"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>This week \u2013 and inspired by your excellent responses to Feedback Friday \u2013 we\u2019re going to be talking steam engines and the particular importance of not leaking steam. Or, if you happen to be more interested in books than engines, then the importance of not leaking pressure from your book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The good news is that some quite small changes will deliver a substantial improvement in reader experience. Better still: the changes aren\u2019t even hard. They\u2019re about mindset more than anything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First though, with a tinkle of very small cymbals and a clatter on a kettle drum remanufactured from a dressmaker\u2019s thimble, it\u2019s time for \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Feedback Friday<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><u>Free agent feedback<\/u><\/em><em>:&nbsp;<\/em>Since our&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/events\/festival-of-writing\/\">festival<\/a><\/strong>&nbsp;is approaching, I had the bright idea of helping you prepare for any&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/our-services\/121-support\/agents\/\">agent one-to-ones<\/a><\/strong>&nbsp;you may have booked for our weekend in London.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This week, we\u2019ll be giving away three free agent one-to-ones (the ones you can book at any time of the year). I\u2019m going to pick the pitches I like the best. If you\u2019re successful, you get to put your work directly in front of a literary agent and I very much hope that leads to good things. But of course, you gotta be in it to win it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, without further ado, let\u2019s look at your pitch!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Book title<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>About your book<\/strong>: A maximum of one short sentence to identify basic genre \/ premise or whatever else someone might need to know. (\u201cA contemporary police procedural set in Cardiff\u201d for example.)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Your pitch, the dirty version<\/strong>. \u201cRobot which mows lawns\u201d, for example. Maximum 12 words here and less is better.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Your pitch, the pretty version<\/strong>. \u201cMow while you sleep \u2013 the lazy gardener\u2019s route to perfect lawns,\u201d for example. Max 25 words.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>The dirty pitch is for you, no one else. It\u2019s the Post-It you stick above your computer monitor. It\u2019s the tag which reminds you of your book\u2019s USP. The thing that keeps you centred. A five-word reminder to keep you on track as you write.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The pretty pitch is for the front of the book, maybe, in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And honestly? The pretty pitch doesn\u2019t matter. The dirty one does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The point of the dirty pitch is to make someone \u2013 in this case me \u2013 think, \u201cOoh, sounds interesting, tell me more.\u201d I don\u2019t want pretty. I want interesting. If you look at those two pitches for lawn robots,&nbsp;<em>the first one would work miles better in any real-life conversation between you and your friends<\/em>. If you gave a friend what sounds like a marketing pitch, they\u2019d think you\u2019d gone nuts. If you just used the dirty pitch to explain why you\u2019ve got a new orange and black gadget on your grass, then anyone with a lawn will want to know more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, that\u2019s the assignment. As usual, I\u2019ll do what I can, but I will look after Premium Members first and foremost, but everyone\u2019s invited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Share them&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/forums\/forum\/harrys-feedback-friday\/friday-11th-august-pitches\/\">here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><u>Not a Townhouse member<\/u><\/em>? It\u2019s free and easy to join.&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/join-us\/\"><u>Info here<\/u><\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><u>Want to become a Premium Member<\/u><\/em>? Join&nbsp;<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/join-us\/\"><u>here<\/u><\/a><\/strong>. Use&nbsp;<strong>FRIDAY15<\/strong>&nbsp;at checkout, and save 15%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Leaking steam<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Steam engines existed before James Watt. Famously, Watt \u2013 then an instrument-maker at the University of Glasgow \u2013 became interested in the problem when he was asked to repair a model steam-engine that followed Thomas Newcomen\u2019s basic design.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Newcomen\u2019s engine worked, but badly. A coal-fired furnace boiled water, forcing steam into a cylinder which drove a piston. So far so good: a coal-fired power station uses the same system today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But to get the piston back to its starting position, Newcomen\u2019s device simply cooled the cylinder, turning steam back into water, altering the pressures and closing the piston.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This arrangement meant that the furnace was called upon to repeatedly warm the cylinder back up to a point where it didn\u2019t immediately condense the steam. Watt\u2019s little piece of genius was to create a separate condensing chamber, so that the furnace could deal with the steam only, not the cylinder too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That was his speck of genius, but he was also a very good development engineer. Getting a really good seal for the piston wasn\u2019t as important, but it was still important and he cared about every detail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>All through this development work, Watt saw his challenge as one of minimising waste. Minimising the waste of coal, minimising the waste of heat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I tell you all this (fantastically interesting) stuff because I want you to think about your book in the exact same way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At the moment, your manuscript resembles a Newcomen engine.&nbsp;<em>Which is very good indeed<\/em>! It means that you\u2019ve done almost all the hard work. You\u2019ve built a plot, you\u2019ve engineered characters, you\u2019ve thrown 80,000 words (or whatever) on the page. You have a manuscript.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But the challenges you\u2019ve had so far are quite macro in scale: deliver a plot, write 80,000 words, and so on. At a certain stage, you need to flip things. You need to think about leakages of steam. Places where your book leaks reader-interest through tiny little cracks and crevices. Each one of those losses is small. Cumulatively, however, they can threaten to be lethal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But which is better:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Sentence A.<\/strong>&nbsp;<em>Burning brakes, upholstery damp and ghosts of fast food turned the air into a warm soup of smells that caught the back of my throat like two fingers.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Sentence B<\/strong>.&nbsp;<em>The car smelled of hot brakes, damp upholstery and the ghosts of fast food.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You only have to drop those two on the page to see that the second one is better. The first one has a whole lot of baggy language \u201cturned the air into a warm soup of smells\u201d that really doesn\u2019t add anything much. (Of course, smells change the air. What else could they change?) and the thing about catching the back of the throat \u201clike two fingers\u201d almost makes sense, but doesn\u2019t quite. Really, for clarity, the sentence needs to read \u201clike two fingers shoved down the throat as though seeking to produce retching.\u201d But that\u2019s way too cumbersome, so the author (rightly) cut off most of the baggage. Her only error was not cutting even more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And the funny thing here is that the sentence is really good! I mean, those three smells placed together in a sentence are really evocative. The writer\u2019s actually done the hard work (of building the engine) and not done the easy work (of preventing any steam leaking out from dodgy joins.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some other simple checks to make \u2013 of your opening page especially, but really of every line in your book:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Do you have tiny redundancies?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, \u201cso she was happy with the situation as it stood\u201d could probably (depending on context) be replaced by \u201cshe was happy with the situation\u201d or even \u201cShe was happy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Likewise, it\u2019s easy to write things like \u201cclouds covered the sky\u201d or the \u201dwind blew\u201d or \u201cthe rain made the pavements wet\u201d, but what else do we possibly expect clouds, wind and rain to do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Simply tightening these tiny things means your story can convey the exact same amount of meaning, but in a much smaller space. That\u2019s more pressure, less leakage \u2013 a better engine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Do you switch points of view?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yes, this is something you can do in a book, though (mostly not only) around chapter breaks. But changing POV on your first page? That\u2019s literally disorienting the reader at a point where their #1 priority is getting themselves properly oriented. There are probably exceptions, of course, but in general, just don\u2019t do this. It\u2019ll almost always be a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Do you hop about in time?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve talked about that before, so I won\u2019t bang on about it now. But if your #1 task is to help the reader orient themselves in your book, then don\u2019t disorient them by giving them multiple times \u2013 or indeed places \u2013 to deal with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Do you fail to tell the reader where you are?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You don\u2019t need to offer co-ordinates of time and place, but any drama needs to take place on a stage \u2013 and the readers needs to see that stage. So to my eyes, that sentence we looked at earlier \u2013 about hot brakes and damp upholstery \u2013 sets the scene beautifully. Whatever dramatic action we are about to witness feels&nbsp;<em>placed<\/em>. We know how to imagine the sequence of events that follows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it\u2019s really common for writers just to jump straight into the action \/ dialogue without any meaningful explanation of where we are. Or sometimes, the author kind of ticks a box (\u201cThey were in the Great Hall of Ra-Thamar\u201d), but without actually providing any material to help the reader imagine the place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Do you rush?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s astonishing to me how many writers use their first page to say:&nbsp;<em>heresmystoryitsgoingtobereallygreat<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If they have a fantasy world, they start to rush into an explanation of how the magic works. If they have (say) a Big Secret \u2013 a female character in historical fiction dresses as a man to get work \u2013 they want to reveal that secret on page #1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And \u2013 slow down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Secrets are fun when they wink at you and you have to tease them out. They\u2019re just boring when they\u2019re delivered like six-year-old secrets. (\u201cHey, Papa, I\u2019ve got a really big secret. Do you want to know what it is? OK, then I\u2019ll tell you.\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s probably enough for this email, but I will say this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Feedback Friday seems like an incredibly rich way to turn the somewhat abstract insights of this email into practice. There will be LOTS of opportunities for feedback \u2013 not just on opening pages but (as with the week coming) on elevator pitches, on query letters, on book covers, on marketing plans, on character descriptions, and so on. If you\u2019re a Premium Member, then please tuck in to the full. We\u2019ll support you the best we can. If you\u2019re not a Premium Member, then please engage anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Intelligent, respectful and constructive feedback is THE gold-standard way to improve your work. So let\u2019s improve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Over to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Til soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Harry<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This week \u2013 and inspired by your excellent responses to Feedback Friday \u2013 we\u2019re going to be talking steam engines and the particular importance of not leaking steam. Or, if you happen to be more interested in books than engines, then the importance of not leaking pressure from your book. The good news is that<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29292],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90947","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-harrys-friday-email"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Jericho Writers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/leaking-steam\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Leaking steam &#8211; Jericho Writers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This week \u2013 and inspired by your excellent responses to Feedback Friday \u2013 we\u2019re going to be talking steam engines and the particular importance of not leaking steam. 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I've published trad &amp; self-pub. Love both. Best known for my Fiona Griffiths crime series. Oh yes, and I'm the capo di tutti capi at Jericho Writers.","url":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/author\/harryjericho\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90947","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=90947"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90947\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=90947"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=90947"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=90947"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}