{"id":443954,"date":"2021-09-28T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-09-28T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/?p=443954"},"modified":"2023-05-31T12:03:24","modified_gmt":"2023-05-31T11:03:24","slug":"how-to-eliminate-passive-voice-from-your-writing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/how-to-eliminate-passive-voice-from-your-writing\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Eliminate Passive Voice From Your Writing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

You may have heard the term \u2018passive voice\u2019 or even been told not to use it, but why is the passive voice <\/a>a bad idea and how do you fix it? In this article, you will learn the difference between active and passive voice, how to spot passive voice misuse (and how to fix it), and learn what to do if passive voice becomes a smoke-screen for other issues. At the end, there will also be a checklist to apply when editing your manuscript. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Is Passive Voice?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Most people find it easier to spot the use of the passive voice in single examples and trickier when editing a whole manuscript; also, these things are about balance. It isn\u2019t necessary to eliminate absolutely every<\/em> example of the passive voice from your writing because there are some modes of writing that require it \u2013 more on that in a minute. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With these things in mind, let\u2019s look at a simple example of passive voice. Take a look at these two versions of the same sentence. The first is written in an active voice, the second in a passive voice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Steve stole the sweets from the shop.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. The sweets were stolen from the shop by Steve.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Now try this exercise. Which aspects of the first sentence could I remove and have it still make sense? Yes, I could substitute different words until I had a new sentence: Betty ate the ice cream at the skatepark, for instance, but that\u2019s not what I mean. Which phrase could I take off the original sentence, while still communicating the same information, albeit in less detail? Hopefully, you\u2019ll agree that I could remove \u2018from the shop\u2019 but nothing else, otherwise I won\u2019t have a sentence anymore. \u2018Steve stole the sweets\u2019 still makes sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    What about the second sentence? How much can I cut and still end up with a sentence? I can take away much more this time. I could go for \u2018The sweets were stolen from the shop\u2019 or simply \u2018The sweets were stolen.\u2019 Look at my new sentences:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \n
    1. Steve stole the sweets.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    2. The sweets were stolen.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      What\u2019s wrong with the second sentence? Identify that, and you\u2019ll get to the nub of the issue: why<\/em> the passive voice comes with an advisory warning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Can you see the problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n

      What Is Passive Voice Misuse? <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

      The character<\/a> or \u2018person who acts\u2019 \u2013 the subject \u2013 is missing from the second sentence. We no longer know who is responsible for stealing the sweets, the object of the sentence. Blame has been removed, or rather, as this is a post on the passive voice, I removed blame from sentence two. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      This explains why passive voice isn\u2019t simply a grammar problem you can solve by looking it up on Grammarly<\/a> or another grammar-correction tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The \u2018why\u2019 \u2013 and in writing (as in life) it\u2019s always good to look for the \u2018why\u2019 \u2013 is that when we use the passive voice, the acting subject is often missing. If you\u2019re telling a story, your readers want to know about the acting subject, so they can stand in their shoes and see the world through their eyes. They can\u2019t do that if the character is no longer the subject of the action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Passive voice misuse is often unintentional and sometimes a hidden problem. Ever wondered why your reading group say they can\u2019t connect with your characters? Perhaps passive voice is to blame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      So how do you edit your work to avoid passive voice? Place the acting subject at the beginning of the sentence or clause. In the case of our two examples, the sentence with Steve at the beginning works best. If you\u2019re editing a sentence without an acting subject, like \u2018the sweets were stolen\u2019, then introduce one. By the way, if you don\u2019t want your readers to know who stole the sweets, you\u2019ll need to create a different action \u2013 \u201cSarah discovered her sweets were missing,\u201d for example. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Let\u2019s look at another reason for avoiding the passive voice. Both the example sentences lack detail, and both sentences are examples of \u2018summary narration\u2019, which is the opposite of \u2018show don’t tell\u2019<\/a>, but \u2013 crucially \u2013 at least sentence one contains within it the possibility of \u2018show not tell\u2019. It\u2019s much easier to edit \u2018Steve stole the sweets\u2019 than \u2018the sweets were stolen\u2019. I could change sentence one to \u2018after sunset, Steve crept towards the sweetshop, carrying his torch,\u2019 for example, or for my North American readers: \u2018after sundown, Steve crept towards the candy store carrying his flashlight.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      But how would you instil some \u2018show not tell\u2019 into sentence two? \u2018The sweets in the shop were crept towards after sunset\u2019? That sentence feels all wrong. One way to tell that a sentence contains the passive voice when it shouldn\u2019t is that it will be hard to turn it from summary narration into step-by-step \u2018showing\u2019. You might also have the reverse problem: you might be finding it hard to incorporate more showing and less telling because you\u2019ve used the passive voice. If so, decide who is acting<\/em> in any given section of your story, and place him or her centre stage.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      I\u2019ve mentioned that using the active voice matters when you\u2019re telling a story, so novelists and short story<\/a> writers in particular need to look out for it. But editing for active voice can also be useful in nonfiction<\/a> and poetry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Let\u2019s look at nonfiction first. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      You may have noticed that I\u2019ve occasionally used the passive voice in this article, and other times I\u2019ve put the acting subject (you, we or I) at the beginning of the sentence. If you\u2019re writing something instructional (a recipe, a \u2018how to\u2019 book, this blog post) then you are likely to have to use the passive voice occasionally. But any time you tell a story in nonfiction \u2013 whether that\u2019s a book-length project or a feature article \u2013 edit for the passive voice. The same rules apply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      In poetry, if you\u2019ve included a speaker who\u2019s present during the poem, then look out for the passive voice. It\u2019s hard to change the active, \u2018I wandered lonely as a cloud\u2019 into the passive voice but imagine reading \u2018lonely wandering like a cloud\u2019 or \u2018the hills and dales were wandered over\u2019 instead. Arguably, it\u2019s the \u2018I\u2019, or the active subject at the beginning of the first line of Wordsworth\u2019s famous poem, that makes the line powerful. With the lyrical \u2018I\u2019 missing, it falls flat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      If you are editing a poem<\/a> right now, and you\u2019re stumped, try adding a lyrical \u2018I\u2019 as an experiment (you can blame me if it goes wrong). Put the speaker at the start of at least a couple of lines, like Wordsworth does, and see what happens. Not all poetry needs a lyrical \u2018I\u2019, of course, but it\u2019s a fun writing technique to try if you get stuck. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      When Is It OK To Use Passive Voice?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
        \n
      1. When adopting an objective tone is important (ie a science report or legal document)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      2. When you don\u2019t want the subject of the sentence to influence the message<\/li>\n\n\n\n
      3. When you want to take yourself or the subject out of the equation and make the object the focus, such as when reprimanding someone. For example: \u2018The shoes were on the table<\/em>\u2019 is less accusatory than \u2018You left your shoes on the table<\/em>.\u2019<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        Changing Passive Voice To Active Voice<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

        Did you learn to write up science experiments at school like this?
        The magnesium was placed in the test tube. The hydrochloric acid was added using a pipette. A lit paper tab was used to ignite the oxygen. The results were observed and recorded, as follows.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Sometimes it\u2019s hard to unlearn the way you were taught to write at school. The following passage describes the same thing, but this time I\u2019ve used the active voice, and I\u2019ve fictionalised:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        Mr Burns was on fire today, literally. He got us to gather round at the front of the classroom and he poured this stuff \u2013 mag something \u2013 into a little bottle then he got another bottle out and told us never ever to touch it because it can make your whole mouth fall off and your hair fall out or something and he mixed the two together and there was a brilliant white flame and an explosion and the next thing I remember is the sleeves of Mr Burns\u2019 white coat being on fire, and Maize had aimed a fire extinguisher at him.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

        What\u2019s the difference between the two? One is written in passive voice, appropriately for a science report, and one is written in the active voice, again appropriately for children\u2019s fiction. But that\u2019s not the only difference. The tone and the voice are different too. Stop for a moment and consider the following before using passive voice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          \n
        • What genre are you writing in?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Pacing<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Point of view<\/li>\n\n\n\n
        • Target readership<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
          \"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

          How To Recognise And Eliminate Passive Voice <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

          Changing from a passive to an active voice often means simply moving the acting subject to the beginning of a sentence. In the example I gave earlier, Steve was the subject and the sweets he stole were the object. The shop was contextual information. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          But What If Passive Voice Itself Isn\u2019t Your Biggest Issue? <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

          A mistake I see some beginning fiction writers make is this: they\u2019ll skip over the emotionally hard parts of a scene or avoid writing a difficult scene in its entirety, rather than using step-by-step narration, probably because it\u2019s too painful to write. Sometimes they\u2019ll make it seem impossible to turn these scenes into step-by-step narration because they\u2019ve used the passive voice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          Here’s an example I made up:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          The diary she had discovered in the attic turned out to be her mother\u2019s and was duly searched for information that might lead to the solution of the case, but no information was forthcoming. Mavis found it made her feel very tired and weepy and, walking a stretch of the coastal path the next day, many memories flooded back to her. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

          Let\u2019s imagine this was written by a would-be novelist who thinks they have a problem with the passive voice. Although sorting out the passive voice in this paragraph would help, the writer\u2019s \u2018real\u2019 problem is that they\u2019ve tried to skip the emotional aspects of the scene, discovering the diary in the attic, by summarising them instead. We could refer to this problem as skip-itis; the desire to skip a difficult or emotionally charged scene. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          If the use of the passive voice is simply a way of summarising the information, it\u2019s not the main problem. You\u2019ll notice that this paragraph also lacks detail and contains little or no characterisation. If this writer described climbing up into the attic to find the old diary step-by-step, using detail and an extra 500 words or more, while focusing on the character, it would be almost impossible to use the passive voice.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

          The good news is that, as far as my made up would-be novelist is concerned, this example paragraph acts as a mini plan for the scene they’re going to write<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          Here are some tips to help you to solve this problem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \n
          1. Give yourself enough time to write the emotional or difficult scene.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
          2. Build in extra breaks \u2013 don\u2019t go straight from writing this scene to another task, even if you can only manage a five-minute walk or a cup of tea. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
          3. Make a start. Begin with something easy, like a main character performing a simple action. In my example, this writer could have said: Mavis climbed the ladder into the attic. Put the character at the beginning of most of your sentences in the first draft.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
          4. If in doubt, have your character perform an action or series of actions before you summarise or use dialogue or internal monologue. That\u2019s because summary, dialogue and internal monologue (along with passive voice) can all be symptoms of skip-itis. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
          5. Remember first drafts are meant to be rubbish. They get better every time you redraft. Don\u2019t try to make the scene \u2018good\u2019, simply try to get your character from the beginning of the scene to the end. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

            Passive voice usually takes more words than active voice, so if you get a sense that you\u2019re beating about the bush and taking longer to express an idea than you need to, see if passive voice is to blame. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Using the active voice clarifies the idea you\u2019re trying to express, meaning you get to the point quicker and you can cut extra phrases along the way. If you\u2019re unsure about what you\u2019re trying to say in your writing, or lack confidence, you may have (subconsciously) added padding, extra words that hide the central idea. Changing from the passive to the active voice can be like shining a light on these wordy \u2018padded\u2019 sentences. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

            A Passive Voice Editing Checklist<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

            Here\u2019s a handy checklist to use when editing your creative writing and checking for passive voice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

              \n
            1. Have you used step-by-step narration when it\u2019s needed? Is the action unfolding in front of us?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            2. Have you placed the acting subject (probably one of your main characters) at the start of your sentences or clauses, on the whole? Have you made them important by placing them centre stage?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
            3. Have you skipped any of the emotionally difficult scenes by summarising? <\/li>\n\n\n\n
            4. Could you make an idea clearer or use fewer words by switching to the active voice? <\/li>\n\n\n\n
            5. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              You may have heard the term \u2018passive voice\u2019 or even been told not to use it, but why is the passive voice a bad idea and how do you fix it? 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