{"id":158327,"date":"2025-03-14T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-14T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/?p=158327"},"modified":"2025-03-14T10:00:00","modified_gmt":"2025-03-14T10:00:00","slug":"arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Arranging tables \u2013 and the importance of making readers work"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Well, golly gosh, I thought last week\u2019s Feedback Friday was interesting &#8211; and brave for the good souls who took part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We asked people to post an excerpt from their manuscript \u2013 plus the same scene, as delivered by an AI tool. (You can see the full results <a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/forums\/forum\/harrys-feedback-friday\/feedback-friday-7-march\/\">here<\/a>, and I do urge you to take a look. If the link gives you a \u201cwhoops\u201d message, that\u2019s because you\u2019re not a member, or not logged in. So either log in, or <a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/resource-downloads\/\">join us completely free<\/a>. You get load of good stuff if you do.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just for fun, here\u2019s part of the scene that I posted. Fiona (a police officer, but working undercover) is meeting a senior member of a criminal gang she is seeking to penetrate. They meet in a wine bar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>My version of the scene<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Vic emerges from behind a raw oak pillar. My face must change somehow, because the waiter swings round, sees Vic. Some look is exchanged, and the waiter waves me over to where Vic has a table waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2018You made it,\u2019 he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He clucks around me, a fussy uncle. He wants me to remove my coat, but I keep it on. Take off my hat, but keep it close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He wants me to choose a drink. Pushes a long wine list at me, tells me to order anything. I ask for water. He tells me again to order&nbsp;<em>anything<\/em>, meaning that water doesn\u2019t count, so I say orange juice, a small one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He orders another glass of red wine for him, a bowl of olives, toasted ciabatta slices and olive oil, a selection of antipasti, and my orange juice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I sit there with my bag on my lap. The bag is wired for sound. So is my coat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2018Filthy day, isn\u2019t it? I don\u2019t mind it cold, but this is vile.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t say anything. Maybe shrug. Look sideways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2018Listen, love, you\u2019re frightened, aren\u2019t you? And that\u2019s my fault. I think I frightened you yesterday. Let\u2019s just get to know each other a bit maybe.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>AI version of scene<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The soft clink of wine glasses blended with murmured conversations around me. I\u2019d chosen my outfit carefully \u2013 a worn blazer and faded jeans that screamed low-wage worker, a direct contrast to the polished mahogany and crystal elegance of the wine bar. Vic sat across from me, his pinstripe suit a silent declaration of power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019ve got a reputation for being\u2026 resourceful,\u201d he said, swirling a glass of Cabernet. His steel-gray eyes never left my face, measuring and calculating. I could feel the weight of his assessment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I kept my posture slightly hunched, the defeated stance of someone desperate for work. \u201cI go where I\u2019m needed,\u201d I replied, my voice low and neutral. \u201cCleaning\u2019s not glamorous, but it pays the bills.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A thin smile crossed his lips \u2013 predatory, knowing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Comments on this<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For me, the AI scene is desperately crude. Conversations (inevitably) are murmured. Wine glasses (inevitably) clink softly. The bar is (for sure) polished mahogany, even though that wood feels like a somewhat Victorian choice; it certainly isn\u2019t high style today. And of course the eyes are steel-grey and calculating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The trouble here is that there\u2019s no sub-text. The reader isn\u2019t being asked to do any work at all. \u201cHmm, I wonder how we should think about Vic Henderson? Well, he\u2019s predatory and calculating so he\u2019s probably Bad News, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s so crude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My version of the same man is almost the opposite. He clucks around Fiona like a fussy uncle. He nudges her into ordering something. And he accepts blame for her feelings: <em>\u2018Listen, love, you\u2019re frightened, aren\u2019t you? And that\u2019s my fault. I think I frightened you yesterday. Let\u2019s just get to know each other a bit maybe.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But the reader knows this isn\u2019t the whole Henderson. Not only do we know for a fact that he\u2019s the face of a criminal enterprise, but we see him rejecting her request for water. There\u2019s compulsion here and it\u2019s the compulsion that we feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some of the comments on this pair of scenes was:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cthe AI writing here isn\u2019t good. I don\u2019t think it has the capacity to be indirect. It overexplains with tired language. And it has that generic voice.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cThere is always a lot of telling description that gives AI away. \u2018Low and neutral\u2019 \u2018 thin smile\u2019 \u2018predatory\u2019 \u2018hands trembled\u2019. The revised version has a lot of flowery descriptions. However, with your excerpt, we are picking up things as readers and not being told what to think.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I think those comments are just right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And just to finish, here\u2019s a chunk (edited for length) from Sally Roone\u2019s <em>Intermezzo<\/em>. The monologue comes from Ivan, a gifted chess player. He\u2019s watching an arts centre get set up for a 10 vs 1 chess tournament, where Ivan is the 1. He then meets Margaret, the attractive arts centre organiser.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Sally Rooney \/ Intermezzo<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Standing on his own in the corner, Ivan thinks with no especially intense focus about the most efficient way of organising, say, a random distribution of tables and chairs into the aforementioned arrangement of a central U-shape, etc. It\u2019s something he has thought about before, while standing in other corners, watching other people move similar furniture around similar indoor spaces: the different approaches you could use, say if you were writing a computer programme to maximise process efficiency. The accuracy of these particular men in relation to the moves recommended by such a program would be, Ivan thinks, pretty low, like actually very low\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>A woman enters. She happens to be noticeably attractive, which makes her presence in the room at this juncture all the more curious. She has a nice figure and her face in profile looks very pretty \u2026 She works here, the woman named Margaret, here at the art centre: that explains her sort of artistic appearance. She&#8217;s wearing a white blouse, and a voluminous patterned skirt in different colours, and neat flat shoes of the kind ballerinas wear. He begins to experience, while she stands there in front of him, an involuntary mental image of kissing her on the mouth: not even really an image, but an idea of an image, sort of a realisation that it would be possible to visualise this at some later point, what it would be like to kiss her, a promise of enjoyment simply to picture himself doing that, which is harmless enough, just a private thought.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Do you play chess? he asks.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nowhere does this say, \u201cIvan is a chess geek.\u201d Nowhere does this say, \u201cIvan is certain to be awkward around women.\u201d Nowhere does this say, \u201cIvan will not come across as sexually impressive.\u201d But we know immediately that all these things are true. We also know that Ivan would slaughter us at chess and also be far more likely to remember the formula for a Gaussian probability distribution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The point here is that the reader is being made to work. They have to bring their own knowledge of the world (geeky men \/ arts centre-y women) and build out their understanding of the scene from facts they\u2019ve acquired about the world. The AI text almost assumes that we have no knowledge of the world, so if an observation isn\u2019t in the text, it doesn\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it does exist! It\u2019s the most interesting part of the text. The joy of reading Sally Rooney isn\u2019t Sally Rooney text alone. It\u2019s \u2018Sally Rooney text plus our own human wisdom.\u2019 A robot couldn\u2019t read Sally Rooney and form any real sense of what makes it worthwhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You don\u2019t believe me? Well, I asked a robot to \u2018rewrite and improve\u2019 Rooney\u2019s passage. The result is in the PS below. But suffice to say \u2013 I do not love it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And nor should you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>FEEDBACK FRIDAY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>OK, here\u2019s a rather different task from what I normally hand out \u2013 but still on the theme of this email and the last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Post a 200-250 word excerpt from your manuscript<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>In <em>[square brackets and italics]<\/em> add your comments wherever you detect the kind of subtext that you would not expect a robot to pick up.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you&#8217;re ready, log in to Townhouse and post yours\u00a0<strong><u><a href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/forums\/forum\/harrys-feedback-friday\/feedback-friday-14-march\/\" data-type=\"link\" data-id=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/?post_type=forum&amp;p=158335&amp;preview=true\">here<\/a><\/u><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m going to like the excerpts that have lots of italics!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s it from me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My massive Viking longship was handed in to school and duly admired. It\u2019s now sitting in my garage. When summer comes, I\u2019m going to find a petite red-headed Viking and launch her off into the biggest lake or river I can find. The ship is papier-mache and is likely to dissolve, but wotthehell. The Vikings sailed to America, right? I reckon they\u2019ll manage the Thames.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Til soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Harry<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>***<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>PS:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the AI version of that Sally Rooney passage: which scrubs all subtext with a total lack of self-reflection. Ms Rooney has nothing to worry about just yet:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Standing in the corner, Ivan observed the chaotic rearrangement of furniture with detached analytical interest. His mind, perpetually seeking patterns, calculated the optimal sequence for transforming this random scatter of tables and chairs into the intended U-shape. It was a familiar mental exercise\u2014one he often entertained while occupying the margins of rooms like this, watching people execute with human imprecision what could be solved with algorithmic elegance. He estimated the efficiency of these particular men at perhaps thirty percent of optimal\u2014their movements dictated by intuition rather than calculation, by conversation rather than silent computation.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>A woman entered the space, and Ivan&#8217;s algorithmic thinking stuttered. Her presence was an unexpected variable in what had been, until now, a predictable equation. She moved with confidence through the disarray, her figure drawing his attention with a force that felt almost mathematical in its inevitability. Her profile cut a precise silhouette against the institutional wall\u2014high cheekbones, a determined chin, eyes focused on something beyond the immediate disorder.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Margaret, he recalled from the program. She worked at the art center\u2014an explanation for both her presence and the deliberate aesthetic of her appearance. Her white blouse provided sharp contrast to the chromatic explosion of her skirt, which moved like liquid as she navigated between half-arranged furniture. Her ballet flats made no sound on the floor, adding to the impression that she floated slightly above the mundane proceedings.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Without warning, his mind produced not an explicit image but a theoretical construct\u2014a placeholder for a potential visualization involving the pressing of his lips against hers. Not even a fantasy so much as a mathematical proof of a fantasy&#8217;s possibility: If x equals proximity and y equals mutual attention, then z could equal&#8230; He felt a curious satisfaction at the mere architecture of this thought, this harmless private equation that would never require solving.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Do you play chess?&#8221; he asked, the question emerging from some calculation deep beneath his consciousness, a gambit whose purpose even he couldn&#8217;t fully articulate.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Well, golly gosh, I thought last week\u2019s Feedback Friday was interesting &#8211; and brave for the good souls who took part. We asked people to post an excerpt from their manuscript \u2013 plus the same scene, as delivered by an AI tool. (You can see the full results here, and I do urge you to<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":98318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29292],"tags":[29213],"class_list":["post-158327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-harrys-friday-email","tag-harry-friday-email"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Jericho Writers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Arranging tables \u2013 and the importance of making readers work &#8211; Jericho Writers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Well, golly gosh, I thought last week\u2019s Feedback Friday was interesting &#8211; and brave for the good souls who took part. We asked people to post an excerpt from their manuscript \u2013 plus the same scene, as delivered by an AI tool. (You can see the full results here, and I do urge you to\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Jericho Writers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jerichowriters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-03-14T10:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Harry Bingham\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@JerichoWriters\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@JerichoWriters\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Harry Bingham\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Estimated reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":[\"Article\",\"BlogPosting\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Harry Bingham\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/#\/schema\/person\/34f531ec178a2b069ca3debe26c60e5a\"},\"headline\":\"Arranging tables \u2013 and the importance of making readers work\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-03-14T10:00:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/\"},\"wordCount\":1874,\"commentCount\":4,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Harry-Feedback-Fridays-Forum-Townhouse-Image-Header-7.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Harry Friday Email\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Harry\u2019s Friday email\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-GB\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/\",\"name\":\"Arranging tables \u2013 and the importance of making readers work &#8211; 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I've published trad &amp; self-pub. Love both. Best known for my Fiona Griffiths crime series. Oh yes, and I'm the capo di tutti capi at Jericho Writers.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/author\/harryjericho\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Jericho Writers","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/arranging-tables-and-the-importance-of-making-readers-work\/","og_locale":"en_GB","og_type":"article","og_title":"Arranging tables \u2013 and the importance of making readers work &#8211; Jericho Writers","og_description":"Well, golly gosh, I thought last week\u2019s Feedback Friday was interesting &#8211; and brave for the good souls who took part. We asked people to post an excerpt from their manuscript \u2013 plus the same scene, as delivered by an AI tool. 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