This week is a good and beautiful week, one of the best weeks ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And why? Because it is Week #3<\/strong> of our Write with Jericho<\/strong><\/a> course. (Which is free and exclusive to Premium members.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n And just because we love ALL of you not just our lovely Premium Members, you can catch the replay of lesson one<\/a> of the course for free. Enjoy the mighty Becca Day on adding BOOM to your scenes.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n This week is all about dialogue and subtext and internal reflection, which are all things that are vast fun to play with and also vastly effective on the page.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Over the last couple of weeks, we\u2019ve beaten one of my scenes to death, so no more of that. Instead, I\u2019ve picked up another scene from the same book. As before, I\u2019ve chosen this at random \u2013 literally just moving my cursor at random through the text until it plopped onto some meaningful dialogue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So: let\u2019s review this little scene thinking about subtext. And internal monologue. And what the spoken words tells us about the two characters involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The scene is set in Fiona\u2019s father\u2019s study-cum-lair. Her dad is a former criminal, but charismatic and warm towards his family. Fiona\u2019s in a bad head-place. She\u2019s just been physically assaulted in her own home and has returned to her parents\u2019 place for a sense of security. This is now late in the evening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bold text is from the scene. My comments in italics. I\u2019ve shortened the text here and there, just for brevity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dad is talking about the security issues that his clubs have faced recently. Nothing out of the ordinary. The occasional idiot with a knife. The odd binge-drinker who gets violent.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n That is: the scene opens neutrally. Whatever her dad is talking about has no relevance to the story.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t premeditate the thought, just blurt out, \u2018I know. I sometimes think I should get myself a gun. You never know what might happen.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s all I say. A stupid thought that wouldn\u2019t have <\/strong>lasted out the minute. But Dad\u2019s on to it straight away.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018What do you mean, love? You want to become an armed officer, is that it? Are detectives even allowed to carry guns?\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, there\u2019s quite a lot of code going on here. The surface text is clear. Fiona says, \u201cShould I get a gun?\u201d Her dad takes that thought and remodels it as, \u201cOh, you want to become an armed officer?\u201d (In Britain, police officers don\u2019t routinely carry firearms.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n But there\u2019s also subtext.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona knows damn well that her father was (or is?) a criminal who may well have used illegal firearms in the past. So is her \u2018blurted\u2019 thought really just the expression of a woman in shock? Or is it a trial balloon sent up to see what her father might offer her?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And then the dad: he\u2019s no shrinking violet when he comes to violence, but he (deliberately?) turns aside from Fiona\u2019s obvious meaning to explore a legal \/ official way in which she might get access to a weapon.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I backtrack straight away. No, I don\u2019t want to join some armed response unit. No, I can\u2019t see the South Wales force thinking that DC Griffiths would be the right person to wave the heavy weaponry. No, it\u2019s probably a stupid idea.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Notice here that there\u2019s some implied dialogue which is just summarised, rather than written out in full. Rotating between direct speech and indirect speech is a way to keep the rhythm of your scene nicely varied. It\u2019s also just quicker: Fiona\u2019s backtracking would probably have taken up more page space than this quick summary.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Note that the dialogue has reversed already. First, she says, \u201cI want a gun\u201d and then she says, \u201cNo I don\u2019t.\u201d Fiona may be in shock, but she is very smart, very strategic. What is going on here?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018You mean have a gun at home? A licensed thing? But you know, these days, you can get a shotgun or whatever for going out hunting. Air rifles, that sort of thing. But they won\u2019t let people carry handguns. Not off a shooting range. And quite right too. The number of crazy people there are. If I could ban the whole damn lot of them, I would.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n But her dad isn\u2019t dropping the idea, even though she just told him to. But he\u2019s shifted it from, \u2018Oh, you want a gun at work?\u2019 to \u2018Oh, you want one at home?\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n The gun idea has become a little more personal, a little less official.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And this former gangster is saying he\u2019d ban all handguns \u2013 really? Or is this cautious man, who has a police officer daughter, just playing things extremely safe in the event that someone was recording his words?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Yes, me too. I\u2019m not really saying anything. Just, like you say, there are some idiots out there.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona is now steady with the \u2018Oh, no, I don\u2019t really want a gun\u2019 message. But she did put the idea out there. And she did blurt the thought to perhaps the only person she knows who might be able to lay his hands on an illegal handgun. So how real is her denial?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018You worried about something, Fi girl? If you are, you need to say. Maybe the police isn\u2019t the right job for you. I mean, don\u2019t get me wrong, you\u2019re fabulous. CID bloody lucky to have you, never mind what I might have said. But you mustn\u2019t take risks you shouldn\u2019t, you know.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Her dad has now crept from \u2018armed officer\u2019 to \u2018licensed shooting range\u2019 to \u2018are you in trouble?\u2019 He often uses a kind of burble of white noise \u2013 happy, positive chat \u2013 to disguise his strategies, and he does so here. But he\u2019s saying: (A) don\u2019t take risks, and (B) are you worried about something? That\u2019s like any dad to any daughter \u2026 except that she\u2019s a police officer and he\u2019s a (former?) gangster.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n He pauses, the shadows of our old arguments crossing our lamplit present.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n His suspicion of anything to do with the police. His fear. My determination to pursue the career of my choice. Two obstinate people, digging in.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n And to be fair to Dad \u2013 and I didn\u2019t perhaps understand this as well as I should have done \u2013 he was worried about me too. He\u2019s always been protective of me, doubly or trebly so during my illness and afterwards. \u2026 even when my life was all put back together again, he felt that a career in the police force was absolutely the wrong one for me. Too much danger. Too much stress. Risks physical and mental. \u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Anyway. The present pause compresses that whole debate into a few seconds of silence. It\u2019s Dad\u2019s way of saying that I can always quit the police, come home, take a job with him. My silence is my way of saying, \u2018Thanks, Pa, but no way.\u2019 Our argument unfolds in a few beats of nothing at all.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n This is quite a lot of internal reflection that makes sense of the current pause. And this is a lot of revelation: more information than we\u2019ve ever had on the father \/ daughter relationship during her troubled teenage years. Because the reader STILL doesn\u2019t know what Fiona\u2019s illness is, this scrap of text will be carefully scrutinised for any clues. And it emphasises her dad\u2019s protective nature. And she just asked and then un-asked for a gun. What does a protective and criminally inclined dad do with that request\/not-a-request?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Then it finishes. Finishes with a truce.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018You look after yourself, love. If you need anything, you just say.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I will, Dad. Thanks.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n This is a bland ending. Except that the subtext is still here. After all, the gun question hasn\u2019t really been resolved. And Fiona could have chosen to respond to the \u2018Are you worried?\u2019 question, but she didn\u2019t. If she had said \u2013 credibly \u2013 \u2018no, I\u2019m not worried\u2019, then maybe the whole gun question could have been genuinely<\/u> laid to rest. If she had said, \u2018yes, I am worried\u2019, then it would have looked like she was<\/u> asking her criminal father for the use of a weapon.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n But \u2013 both parties just evade the question. Lay it to rest with platitudes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s bedtime. I feel oceanically tired. Tonight, I know it already, I\u2019m going to sleep well. I\u2019m home<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And \u2013 we\u2019re done. \u2018I\u2019m going to sleep well. I\u2019m home.\u2019: that suggests some emotional issue has been settled \u2026 but we\u2019ve just had a bit of dialogue that raised an issue \u2013 then denied it \u2013 then evaded it. What\u2019s been settled?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Well, at this stage, the reader doesn\u2019t know. But before too long, Fiona\u2019s dad sends a workman round to her house to fix some cupboards that barely needed fixing. The workman chatted as he worked. In the course of that chatter, he mentions an unlicensed shooting range and gives Fiona directions on how to find it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona does indeed drive to the firing range at night and finds a gun laid out on a bale of straw. With bullets. She fires off a hundred or so rounds, trying to get the feel of the weapon. Then an unnamed man arrives, gives her some basic instruction in how to shoot. She leaves the range with the gun and ammo.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And by the end of this firing range scene, we finally know how to interpret that father-daughter gun conversation.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona came to her gangster-dad and said \u2018I want a gun.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n But gangster-dad can\u2019t say to his police-officer daughter that, sure, he can find handguns no problem, so he evades the question.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona, being a police officer, has to deny her own request, so she does \u2013 repeatedly.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n The gangster-dad tests out various neutral options, none of which get an, \u2018Oh yes, that\u2019s what I meant\u2019 from his daughter, so he asks her if she has fears for her safety.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n She can\u2019t say yes, because that would be like affirming that she wants a gun, so she evades. But she hasn\u2019t said, \u2018no, I\u2019m not worried\u2019, so gangster-dad comes away with three messages: (A) his daughter is afraid, (B) she wants a gun, (C) she wants an illegal, deniable weapon, because if she didn\u2019t, they wouldn\u2019t have had to go through that whole rigmarole.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And because gangster-dad loves his daughter and is very good at what he does, before too long a handgun is put into Fiona\u2019s possession \u2026 but via a route that can\u2019t possibly connect back to her the man who put it there.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n REFLECTIONS<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n If you scan the italics and the bold above, you\u2019ll see there\u2019s way more of the former. And the beautiful lesson there is that subtext is much richer and more encoded than the text itself. To unravel the subtext, we need to spend more time and words than was present in the text itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And how enriching this all is!<\/p>\n\n\n\n A beautiful and unexpected plot strand is surfaced by this little bit of dialogue. (And of course, this illegal weapon ends up being used in the book\u2019s climactic shootout.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n And our understanding of both characters are transformed by this little scene. Not necessarily during the scene itself \u2013 but once the handgun is produced, and we reconsider the dialogue that prompted its production, we realise that both these two characters are very strategic, very risk-averse \u2013 and vastly effective. Fiona asked for a handgun and her dad supplied one. And the two of them secured this outcome without ever saying anything that the Chief Constable him- or herself could take issue with. This is the first time in the series we see quite how subtle and potent Fiona\u2019s dad is. It\u2019s also the first time that we see quite how risk-averse he still is, even with his criminal past (probably) behind him. The whole incident adds a darkness, intrigue and depth to both characters \u2026 still without either of them having said anything so remarkable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s the beauty of subtext and the beauty of dialogue. I love everything about writing, but if I could only go on a date with one aspect of it, I\u2019d take Dialogue out to dinner, in her shimmering green gown and unreliable smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n FEEDBACK FRIDAY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Once again, Feedback Friday comes straight from the Write With Jericho<\/strong><\/a> Course this week. Laura has asked you to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n