{"id":148369,"date":"2025-01-17T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-01-17T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/townhouse\/?p=148369"},"modified":"2026-02-06T10:05:39","modified_gmt":"2026-02-06T10:05:39","slug":"car-windscreens-and-fallen-magnolia-petals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/car-windscreens-and-fallen-magnolia-petals\/","title":{"rendered":"Car windscreens and fallen magnolia petals"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One of the bits of feedback I give most \u2013 and really, I\u2019d want to give it almost all the time, on auto-repeat \u2013 is: stay close to character<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes that means simply reporting what a character thinks of something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The coffee shop was white, vaguely seaside-y in its timber and flaking paint, over-priced and, Niamh thought, pretentious<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 That \u2018Niamh thought\u2019 simply plops the character\u2019s view right into the description without feeling a tad out of place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But character can and should sneak in anywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bickering couple moved away from their seat in the window, and the rain had left, and there was sunlight on the wet street, shining off car windscreens and fallen magnolia petals<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, yes, in a way that\u2019s just description: a matter of stating simple facts. Except why is Niamh observing these<\/em> facts? There are other observations she could have made. In the same place at the same time, she might have chosen to observe:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The door to the toilets wasn\u2019t properly closed and the sound and smells of plumbing eased through. Coffee here was four pounds a cup, and the most prominent aroma was pine-scented disinfectant<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of these snippets suggests one mood. The second delivers quite another. And we all know that if we\u2019re depressed, we see the world differently from if we\u2019re not. Our views of people and situations are coloured by our own mental state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s the same in books. If I\u2019m describing sunlight on a wet street, I\u2019m offering you something (however hard to put into words) about the character\u2019s mental state. If I\u2019m passing on facts about the price of coffee and toilet smells, then I\u2019m suggesting something quite different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But character can invade even more directly than this. Take this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The coffee arrived. Each cup came on its own copper-trimmed wooden tray, with a small glass bottle of milk and an oat-biscuit about the size of a large button. The waitress, inevitably, paused to tell them about the Colombian estate from which the coffee had come<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That whole chunk is factual narrative, but always filtered through the observation of a particular character. The \u2018size of a large button\u2019, for example, tells us about the character\u2019s range of reference. \u2018Button\u2019 is quite homely, quite domestic in nature. A \u2018good-sized poker chip\u2019 would tell us something different. A \u2018heavy-duty washer, the sort you\u2019d use in roofing\u2019 would give us something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But look a little deeper. The little snippets I\u2019ve created for this email are all voiced in the third person. We have an unnamed, impersonal narrator whose job is mostly just to describe facts: what happened, what Niamh said and did, what she thought and felt, and so on. The narrator knows as much as we choose for them to know. For all I know, in the next chapter, the narrator will be talking, not about Niamh, but a burly Polish roofer called Lech. But no matter who the narrator is talking about, he or she is basically impersonal. A being of no interest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look back at that oat-biscuit snippet. It says, \u201cThe waitress, inevitably<\/em>, paused\u2026\u201d That word, \u2018\u2019inevitably\u2019, belongs to Niamh, not the narrator. It\u2019s her<\/em> sarcastic comment about the caf\u00e9\u2019s pretentiousness: the narrator doesn\u2019t really have a view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In effect, you can write third person, but your character should still infuse the entire text, with every observation, with every choice of word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now all that sounds as wholesome and good as an artisanal oat-biscuit. So why make a big deal of it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, the reason is that plenty of text just feels like \u2026 words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before Sarah has time to find an excuse, they’re standing inside the dark entrance hall. She shudders. It’s as cold as the grave.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The man [an estate agent] fumbles on the wall beside the door and clicks the light on. A single bulb spreads a sickly glow around the room. Sarah takes in the parquet floor and wooden panelling and the smell: mould and cat pee. She can see the man properly now. Close up, he looks older than she’d first thought. Fine lines score his face and she wonders if his luxuriant dark hair is quite natural.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

‘Do you have a place to sell yourself?’ he asks, his voice casual. \u2018I take it you’re on the move?’<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She focuses on his face, concentrating on keeping her eyes steady and her mouth from contorting. She tells herself she must try to appear normal, even if she feels far from it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

‘Yes, probably, quite soon,’ she says, her voice unnaturally bright.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He smiles, a professional smile, still probing. ‘Is it in the area?’ He shakes his umbrella and slips it into an oak stand beside the door.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her fists clench involuntarily. She’s not going to tell this man that her life has imploded. That only a few hours ago she walked out on her husband with just three suitcases and a couple of tea chests to show for fifteen years of marriage. How can she talk about it to this stranger before Alex himself knows – even though she owes him nothing? Panic washes over her \u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, look, that chunk is lifted from a book called The Orphan House<\/em> by Ann Bennett, and it\u2019s got lots of lovely reader reviews, and I haven\u2019t read it, so maybe the book has depths that I can\u2019t assess from this passage. Sorry, Ms Bennett.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do not love this writing. I do not love prose that works like this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this short passage, Sarah shudders<\/em>. She concentrates<\/em> on keeping her eyes<\/em> steady and has to work to prevent her mouth from contorting<\/em>. Her voice is unnaturally bright<\/em>. Her fists clench<\/em>, though she doesn\u2019t ask them to. Panic washes over her<\/em>. That\u2019s a truly vast amount of shuddering, panicking and clenching, while at the same time keeping the voice bright and the eyes steady. It\u2019s such a barrage of information, it\u2019s not quite clear we can meaningfully assemble it, except in a very basic \u201coh, she\u2019s feeling emotional and upset\u201d way. I don\u2019t even think the author has any more precise conception of her own. If she had, she\u2019d have given it to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The factual observations give us nothing either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The house is as cold as the grave<\/em>, which might mean that the character has her mind filled with death and the end of everything \u2026 but is much more likely to reflect the unconsidered use of a tired old clich\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An old, unheated house smells of mould<\/em> (normal) and cat pee<\/em> (not so much, unless the place is so derelict that there are ways for cats to enter the property.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The light is sickly<\/em>. But what does that mean? Normally, that would suggest a greenish light, but why would a house have bulbs any different from anyone else\u2019s bulbs? The observation isn\u2019t followed by anything, which makes me think that the word \u2018sickly\u2019 is used simply in order to convey a very general \u201cthis property doesn\u2019t look all that great\u201d message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short, we have a passage that is NOT invaded by character. The author doesn\u2019t use the tools she has to deliver character via back-door routes, and she compensates with a whole barrage of shuddering and panicking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The result feels both flat (because of the deadness in the observation) and over-coloured (because of the babbling, quaking character on the page.) That\u2019s a bad combination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My advice? Don\u2019t write like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My further advice: Stay close to character. Always and everywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll like it if you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s it from me. I am going to clench, shudder and panic my way over to a coffee pot and see if caffeine will help. It surely will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Til soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Harry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the bits of feedback I give most \u2013 and really, I\u2019d want to give it almost all the time, on auto-repeat \u2013 is: stay close to character. Sometimes that means simply reporting what a character thinks of something. The coffee shop was white, vaguely seaside-y in its timber and flaking paint, over-priced and,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":98318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29292],"tags":[29213],"class_list":["post-148369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-harrys-friday-email","tag-harry-friday-email"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nJericho Writers<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/car-windscreens-and-fallen-magnolia-petals\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Car windscreens and fallen magnolia petals – Jericho Writers\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the bits of feedback I give most \u2013 and really, I\u2019d want to give it almost all the time, on auto-repeat \u2013 is: stay close to character. 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I've published trad & self-pub. Love both. Best known for my Fiona Griffiths crime series. Oh yes, and I'm the capo di tutti capi at Jericho Writers.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/author\/harryjericho\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Jericho Writers","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/car-windscreens-and-fallen-magnolia-petals\/","og_locale":"en_GB","og_type":"article","og_title":"Car windscreens and fallen magnolia petals – Jericho Writers","og_description":"One of the bits of feedback I give most \u2013 and really, I\u2019d want to give it almost all the time, on auto-repeat \u2013 is: stay close to character. Sometimes that means simply reporting what a character thinks of something. 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Bingham","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-GB","@id":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/harry-bingham_avatar-96x96.jpg","url":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/harry-bingham_avatar-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/harry-bingham_avatar-96x96.jpg","caption":"Harry Bingham"},"description":"Write novels and non-fic. I've published trad & self-pub. Love both. Best known for my Fiona Griffiths crime series. Oh yes, and I'm the capo di tutti capi at Jericho Writers.","url":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/author\/harryjericho\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148369","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=148369"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148369\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":876243,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148369\/revisions\/876243"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/98318"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=148369"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=148369"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jerichowriters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=148369"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}